More Than Just Cuffed Jeans: The Unofficial Language of Bi Signals
Let’s talk about something we all navigate: the subtle art of sending bisexal signals. Signaling your sexuality to other women is truly an art form. It’s about finding that perfect sweet spot between “plausible deniability” (when you aren’t quite ready to be fully out to everyone at work or that family BBQ) and sending a “clear signal” to those in the know.
Remember, the goal of hinting about your bisexuality isn’t just to broadcast your sexuality to the world. It’s often a vital safety mechanism. It’s how we gauge if another person is safe before we fully open up.
Whether you’re testing the waters with a new friend or trying to catch the eye of a cutie across the bar in Hillcrest, here is a guide to dropping hints that range from incredibly subtle to practically shouting it out.
1. The Visual Signals (Aesthetics & Accessories)
Queer fashion is basically its own language, and other folks in the community are trained to look for the dialect in the small details.
The Color Palette Drop (Subtle) You don’t need to wear a giant flag cape to make a point (unless you want to!). Try incorporating pink, purple, and blue into everyday items to send those signals.
- A phone case with a sunset gradient in those specific colors.
- The shoelaces on your sneakers you wear for hikes at Mission Trails.
- A subtle beaded bracelet or a ring featuring three small stones.
- A vibrant eyeshadow look for a night out using those three signature shades.
The “IYKYK” Pins Enamel pins are huge in the community. If a bi flag pin feels too loud right now, try the “If You Know, You Know” approach:
- A pin of a character famously known as bi (think Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn 99, Korra, or Loki).
- Animals often associated with bi memes (frogs are weirdly popular in the bi community right now—embrace it!).
- A pin that simply says “Both is good.”
Embrace the Stereotypes (With Love) Okay, these are mostly internet memes, but many bi folks adopt them as a sort of uniform. Family members will just think you’re trendy, but community members might clock it.
- Cuffed jeans (the ultimate bi stereotype).
- Wearing lots of rings on your fingers.
- Doc Martens or Converse almost exclusively.
- A t-shirt from our shop – “I play for both teams!” or “I can’t choose!”
- Flannels layered over hoodies.
2. The Conversational Drops (Verbal Cues)
This is all about subtle shifts in the way you speak to open up possibilities.
The “Gender-Neutral Ex” Trick Instead of saying “my ex-boyfriend,” just say “my ex.” It keeps things open. If they ask what his name was, you can casually reply with, “Oh, her name was Sarah.” It’s a very casual way to drop the signal bomb.
The “Equal Opportunity” Crush When people are discussing celebrity crushes over brunch, don’t limit yourself to one gender.
- “Yeah, Chris Evans is dreamy, but honestly, have you seen Florence Pugh lately? I cannot handle her.”
The Inclusive Future Tense When talking about dating, try stopping the use of gendered language.
- Instead of: “I’m looking for a guy who likes hiking.”
- Try: “I’m looking for a partner who likes hiking.”
The Media Litmus Test Bring up very specifically queer media and gauge their reaction.
- “I am completely obsessed with Chappell Roan’s new album right now.”
- “Did you ever watch Jennifer’s Body? That movie awakened things in me.”
- “I’m rewatching The L Word and it is pure chaos.”
3. The Digital Signal (Social Media Vibe)
Your digital footprint is the easiest way to signal without having to say a word face-to-face.
- The Emoji Bio: You don’t have to write “BISEXUAL” in all caps in your bio. A simple combination works wonders: 🩷💜💙 or the rainbow flag 🏳️🌈 alongside your other interests.
- The “Story” Repost: Reposting queer content on your Instagram or TikTok stories is a low-stakes way to signal. If you share a meme from a “bi_memes_daily” account, the right people will get it.
- Spotify Check: Make a public playlist of your “anthems.” If it features Janelle Monáe, Phoebe Bridgers, Halsey, and Frank Ocean back-to-back, the signal is loud and clear.
- Who You Follow: If a potential date looks at your “following” list and sees a dozen local drag queens, queer advocates, and LGBTQ+ meme pages, they will connect the dots.
4. The “Vibe” & Behavioral Cues
The “We” Pronoun When issues about the LGBTQ+ community come up in the news, switch your language from “ally” mode to “community” mode.
- Instead of: “It’s terrible what they are going through right now.”
- Try: “It’s really exhausting for us right now.”
The “Bi-Panic” Reaction If you are out with friends people-watching and an incredibly attractive couple walks by, a quiet mutter of, “Oh no, they’re both so hot,” is the ultimate bi signal.
The Finger Guns/Peace Signs Okay, this is a silly internet stereotype, but like the cuffed jeans, a lot of bi people awkwardly use finger guns or peace signs when leaving a room or saying hello. It’s a funny, meta way to signal to others in the know.
A Final Note on Safety
Always remember that “hinting” is often about testing the waters. If you drop a breadcrumb—like mentioning an ex-girlfriend—and the person you are talking to gets weird, quiet, or abruptly changes the subject, pay attention. That reaction is important data for you. You don’t owe them a clearer hint. Trust your gut.
Drop those breadcrumbs, see who follows them, and stay safe out there, San Diego!
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